Family Reunions

Almost every unit had arrived to Grandpa’s house. My dad and us kids, Grandpa (obviously), and my aunt and her boyfriend… Just waiting on our uncle and his kids: a 5-year-old and two twin toddlers. To pass the time, those of us already at the house discussed who would be cooking what for Thanksgiving.
Disclaimer: I always tell bad jokes.
This time I made a joke that I’d take the toddlers under my wing and give them a bunch of knives to chop up potatoes or something. Then I started re-enacting my evil-cousin scheme by saying their names and “knife” in the creepiest voice I could muster. No one laughed as my uncle, aunt and cousins walked in on cue. Niceeeee.
My toddler cousin Ally has been glaring at me since she’s arrived. We’ve never met, but I think it’s already been decided that we are not friends. Asking about her favorite color today was like pulling teeth, and her glare may have actually hardened when we discovered both of us loved purple. She’s really quite scary: like, I should hire a violinist to follow me around and make creepy screechy noises whenever I run into her because she’s always behind a corner or holding a creepy doll or anything else you’d see in The Shining.
Grandpa is pretty awkward. It doesn’t add too much to the group dynamic, it’s really cute actually.
Serena the 5-year-old keeps on calling for naked parties. Every once in awhile she pops into the kitchen, nude, to inform us that the party has either just ended, or is about to begin again. But she’s not naked in the kitchen long enough to make anyone too uncomfortable anyway, she always has to race back up to resume another clothes-less get-together (I think there ended up being four in total). She refuses to be late to these events, for “that would be very rude.”
References to naked parties are becoming the joke of the reunion.
This is only a reunion for lack of a better word. We’re missing the ex-step-grandma, the half uncle, my mom, etc.
So far we’ve made Serena cry, a lot. She cried when my sister tried to take her picture, she cried when I jokingly told her that I was an adult, she cried when my aunt told her… something, I wasn’t there I just heard crying. Every time, my sisters and I are forced to leave whatever populated room we’re in because we can’t (and never have been able to) control our laughing.
Dinner is always eventful. Tonight, my sister tried to bring up the story of when my mom found contraband in the secret pocket of my purse. No.
My other sister contemplated playing a prank at the airport by yelling “I have a bomb” in a jokingly way. Another no.
My grandpa referred to himself as just another slut, and then Serena came down from bed (naked) to socialize.
So far it’s been pretty typical.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s