Personals

Shoutout to Craigslist for being real as shit. While the website’s layout might be disgustingly ugly to look at, you still have to recognize what a crucial corner of the internet Craigslist inhibits. I always forget how much Craigslist has to offer in terms of human insight and entertainment until I need a free piece of furniture or something. After perusing through whatever furniture I need, it’s always nice to take a minute and find other ways to distract myself.  That’s when I see the personals.

Here we’re talking about something more raw than Rocky’s breakfasts. The personals section on Craigslist is a blunt listing of all of the juicy aspects of social media without the need for any decoding. Rather than looking at someone’s sexualized profile picture or lonely status to draw conclusions from, Craigslist allows people to anonymously lay everything out on the table… A thick hispanic beauty is looking for her country thug in Fresno, a guy in Ventura wants to shove all nice boobs in his face and then use them as pillows, another one in Santa Barbara even has credentials as the IPLAA (International Pussy Lickers Association Anonymous) president. I love Craigslist, where else in the world can you get this type of honestly from people?

My favorite category of the personals has to be the “missed connections.” I find it so easy to put yourself in the writers’ shoes here. Everyone’s writing about how they saw someone at the store and couldn’t stop thinking about them ever since. You can just imagine the awestruck cashier at Jamba Juice writing his surprisingly emotional letter to the cute athletic girl with the teal top who had bought a Strawberries Wild that morning.

I wonder how many of these personal ads get responses. Some of them are actually just people who want friends or a texting buddy. I wonder if a conservative homophobic has ever seen one of the more raunchy gay threesome ads and then just catfished the whole scenario, showing up with a Bible and some clerical reinforcements to condemn the ad-listers. I have no idea. All I know is for an authentic glimpse into the lives of other people, the answer is the Craigslist personals.

Here are some favorites:

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